More from Boston Handmade Marketplace:

Right when Maddie and I  got there for setup I noticed this shirt (and the girl wearing it):

That's Beth from Elizabeth Brennick Designs. She's a spitfire! (and so is her husband! What a sassy couple!)

Isn't that shirt awesome?

Here's the back:

No, she didn't make it. I think  she said she got it at Forever 21. There is so much to love about it, but the stripey binding especially kills me .

And her products are  awesome , too!

Recognize any of the fabrics? Mostly Westminster, baby! Love that.

Beth's 2 kids were  selling cupcakes that they made at home. Smart, smart, smart. I knew they would go fast, so I bought 4.

Would you like to know my special cupcake-eating technique?

First, pull off the top  to separate the cupcake into 2 layers:

Next, hold the top upside down, so the frosting is on the bottom and place on the other half of the cupcake:

Now you have a cupcake sandwich. The frosting will be evenly spread throughout your eating experience.

Enjoy. You're welcome.

Back to Beth's stuff:

I love this top with the teardrop shapes:

If you must have something Beth made, you can always check out her etsy shop.

She had a great looking booth.  I particularly liked the clothesline action:

Cute magnets:

And cute shoes (not for sale):

Mimi, me, and Beth:

I love meeting such talented and wonderful women.

More soon, gotta get ready for work.

xoxo

m

Good morning, loves!

Back to the Boston Handmade Marketplace:

You know how I was looking forward to seeing Mimi's men!

 And Mimi, of course.

Oh my god, they are so cool! 

I have an unnatural love for these guys:

I am feeling , uh, a little unphotogenic lately, so pretend you don't notice the my dark circles and wacky hair. And giant fivehead. But do feel free to notice my cute headband.

The detail on the faces is incredible, as is the amount of personality they each have.

>sigh<       sepia!

Arrrrrr:

You can't see it in that photo above, but there is a little skull and crossbones on his hat.

It was neat to meet Mimi. We hope to get together soon so we can actually talk and get to know each other a bit. It was hard to focus with so much going on!

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So, it was my birthday on the fifth, Saturday. Very low key.  Yard sales. Pizza and sangria.

But first, in the morning, coffee and this:

My new boyfriend looks good in pink.

Thanks, sweetie!

 When I go to Madelyn's, it's like an inspiration  buffet.

I mean, even her doorknobs are awesome:

I was walking around her place (taking a million pictures like I usually do) and I kept saying, "Maddie, you are so cool. You are the coolest person ever!"

She said, "No, you are."

I said, "Well, I'm okay, but you are the coolest."

We were standing in the hallway, she was asking me something- I don't remember what because I interrupted her with a stream of swears when I saw this :

Can you believe the awesomeness and perfection? No, you can't.

I love those trees and the daisy-headed lion.

I don't know the name of this plant, but I was taken with it's silhouette:

Detail of one of Maddie's sculptures:

I took a ton of pictures of her newest series of sculptures, which I will share soon. They are incredible.

Remember scratchboard? It's a cardstock with a black ink coating and when you scrape away the black it reveals a colorful base layer? Years ago, Maddie gave me a little scratchboard notebook and the first thing I did with it was make this as a thank you:

She is, too. Did I tell you how we met? I was sixteen and she was my Sculpture teacher in high school! She was 23, fresh out of college. The same age as my boyfriend at the time! Yes, really.

We connected right away and I was crushed when she decided not to continue teaching after that year. She returned to Providence and we stayed in touch through letters and occasional visits for the first couple of years and then more and more visits and phonecalls (and letters!) as the years went on. It has been...eighteen years? Holy shit, can that be right?

Sometimes when we are goofing around, laughing like hyenas, I look at her and say "You were my teacher in high school!" and we bust out laughing even harder. But Maddie isn't just fun. She is one of the most inspiring, honest, generous and kind-hearted people you could ever hope to meet.

I have so many pictures to share with you. I'll have to step up the posting to cover it all before I forget.

Detail of a painting in Maddie's kitchen by her friend Monica Shinn:

From the same painting:

I love that!

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Oh, hey, I am writing to you this morning from my new laptop!

xo, m

Wow, I am exhausted! Good thing it's a four day work-week.

I went to Providence for the weekend to visit Madelyn.

Friday night: Vieux Farka Toure free concert in the park. Met some of Maddie's friends there.  Blanket on the grass, picnic. Watched the guy who dances at every event and  Dubbed him Sir Dance-A-Lot. Drank Perrier.

(Excuse me, but my mind is being blown right now. How did I ever not see this video of Crazy by Gnarls Barkley? It's amazing.)

After the concert: Went to Cuban Revolution. Had Cafe Cubano and flan. Yum.

Saturday morning we went to The Happiest Place on Earth: Savers! (pictures to come)

Next, we headed to Somerville for the Boston Handmade Marketplace, where Maddie was a vendor. 

Jessica did an amazing job of putting on this show. The merchandise was varied and high quality, turnout was great, set up and takedown was hassle-free. The live music really made it special. 

I met some wonderful people, saw awesome stuff and took tons of pictures, which I will post this week. But first I must pimp share Madelyn's darling pottery.

Fez Monkey Teapot!! Kitty Mush bowls!
By now you know that you can visit her etsy shop, Lucky Monkey, right?

I love those egg cups, above. Do you recognize that chicken? 

Maddie's newest motif:

Oh. My. God. Raccoons! So cute! 

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Sometimes I find myself pleasantly surprised at how different I am now.
There was a time when I wouldn't have agreed to help Maddie at this show because my anxiety would have been unbearable. I would have not believed in myself enough to know what to do (or be comfortable not knowing). I would have been afraid of someone looking at me trying put up the tent and I would have been sweating and blushing and embarrassed. It's not rational, it doesn't make sense - but that is how I lived most of my life: in constant fear and panic. I can feel it fluttering in my chest just by bringing it up. Sometimes I forget how bad it was and how much it ruled my life.
I don't like scary and suspenseful movies or haunted houses. That state of anticipation and adrenaline that they invoke is a feeling that  I have worked very hard to soothe  and talk myself down from.
It is so rewarding when I notice that I am perfectly comfortable in an environment or situation that would have totally freaked me in the past.
That happened on Saturday and it was cool.

More soon.

xo, m 

Mornin', loves!

I really like blogging, can you tell?  I look forward to it. I am short on time again today, though, so it'll be a quick one.

Ok, Boston. Craft Magazine Party.
My killer goodie bag from The Sampler.

Some crafty supplies:

Yeah, baby! Sparkley gluey stuff, pink crystals! Unicorn embroidery patterns from  Sublime Stitching!

Be still, my eighties-lovin' heart! (Do a girl a favor and pretend that you don't notice  how bad the lawn looks, mmkay?)

From Botanical Earth. Oh, bummer. I just looked them up to link, but their site is down and it says they are  closed. They hope to reopen in July, so I am linking anyway, in hopes that they do.

From Paloma's Nest:

Ooooh, a  stamped brown box-I  love it already.

And inside: 

A sweet (stamped!) little  ceramic dish. Wait a minute, what's that on there?

That's right, a bee! Yay!

There were a few other items, too, but this was the bulk of it. Isn't it awesome? Makes me  want to get a Sampler every  month!

I hate to tell you this, but I didn't take any pictures at the actual event.
I was too busy making yoyos: 

I like to pretend that Alison (the new boss of The Sampler) insisted that I take these buttons and circles of fabric home. But it was more like she allowed me to, since I wanted them so bad. Tee hee.

I had been wanting to learn how to make these for ages- it is so easy! I want to make a million of them. Perfect little  craft for the couch.

It occurred to me as I was sitting there in Greenward making these: Someday soon, I will be making yoyos with my own fabric!

If you are in the Boston area,  I hope you will stop by the Boston  Handmade Marketplace in  Somerville tomorrow! I'll bethere at Madelyn Macedo's booth. (I am talking to you, Tracey.)

Off to  work   now,  friends. I'll be back   soon.

xo, m 

Yay! Thanks for all the lemon-love!

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As you know, Saturday I went to Boston for the Craft  Magazine party.
I got off the T at Porter Square and headed down Mass Ave to meet Karen at Simon's  Cafe. I was running a little late because there was construction in one of the tunnels, but I couldn't resist pulling out my camera to  capture this:

This may come as a surprise,  since  you know that I am a procrastinator, but I am rarely late. I am usually early. I dislike being late. Of course, things happen. Sometimes I am late  due to things beyond my control and that can happen to anyone. But chronic lateness? That frustrates me.  I think to be on time, you actually have to be early. For example, if a yoga class starts at 9 and I live 10 minutes away, leaving my house at 8:50 will make me  late. Even if I do pull into the parking lot right at nine, I still have to get in, pay, find a spot, etc. For me, yoga at 9 means be at your mat and ready to start at nine (or earlier)! Again, I  admit it, occasionally I am  late and I feel bad about it. Especially  when I have to  put my mat at the front of the class because there's no room anywhere else!

Ok, back to Boston.
Latte and scone at Simon's:

Yes, I did  feel like a total spaz whipping out my camera to take pictures of my food, in case you were wondering.

Catching up with Karen was great fun- talking about mental health, crafting and scones (whose connection can not be disputed).

Here's Karen:

It was funny how similarly we were dressed: we were both wearing summer dresses over pants with sparkly slipper-shoes. I wanted those  pink velvety beaded shoes of hers!

Next we stopped in at Nomad and spent ages drooling over every little thing. Somehow I managed to resist buying a single thing!

Oh dear, I guess I'll have to cover this in multiple posts - since it's time to get ready for work.

A few random bits:

Listening to: We're All in the Dance by Feist (on the Paris Je T'aime soundtrack)
Reading: Alabama Stitch Book by Natalie Chanin
Thinking about: my  next fabric line
Eating (too much): Trader Joe's Sunflower Seed Butter
Wondering: How are you? 

xo, m

I finished my Lemony Snippet quilt top the other day.

I love it.

Monday night I whipped together a less complicated (but still superscrappy) back. But then I thought, hmm, should I have this be two tops and do plain backs? I'm still waffling. (sorry no pics of the back yet)

The last couple of nights, I have been working on a greenie one.  I am not loving it as much as this one - I think I need more mid-range green. I have equal parts yellowy-green, medium green and darker green. I think what makes Lemony Snippet so harmonious is the prevalence of light-medium yellow, even though I hardly notice it when I look at it. It allows the other colors to pop and shine and makes the whole thing work. I've been taking pictures as I sew, so I'll show you what I mean about the green one soon. I am going to get some more medium greens and see if I can make it sing.

Lemony Snippet in the mint patch with old rake. 

xo

Good morning!

I just wanted to peek in and say hi.
I have some pictures to show you of Lemony Snippet and my killer goodie bag (from The Sampler, yes!) from the Craft Magazine party at Greenward, but I haven't uploaded them yet. I'll show you tomorrow, ok? 

I love my sunny quilt top so much that I am going to make a bunch in different colors. I think the next one will be greeny-bluey since I already have these:

They are kind of crazy-nine-patch looking, but they are faux. I really don't like following directions, so I just make everything up.  

Oooh! If I do a green one, I can incorporate some of these Jennifer Paganelli fabrics:

I would like to make a whole rainbow of these monochromatic (really, analogous, but whatever) quilts.
Pinky orange might trump greeny bluey, though. I do so love pink.

And a pinky quilt would allow me to use these new Park Slope fabrics by Erin McMorris:

Aren't they awesome? I just love these. Don't fret, I will be doing a giveaway soon. You know, just after I send out those packages from a couple of weeks ago. Eek! forgive me, I'm awful  about that!

You know, I really hope it rains today because the plants need watering and, well, I'm awful about that, too. 

I hope  you have a lovely day, free from struggle and sprinkled with laughter.  I really do.

xo, m

I promised myself that I would document my garden this year and I am a bit behind!

A couple of weeks ago it was all irises all the time:

The dianthus had just popped:

Now the irises are pretty much done and the nepeta is in full bloom. The tigerlilies sent up their stems and the blooms will be open just in time for my birthday!
In the front yard, looking across the street to the cemetery:

The beautiful flower with the unfortunate name:

Columbine. Why don't we call it by it's latin name, aquilegia? There, that's better.

These flowers look like aliens:

They are crazy looking!

Maybe it should be called Science Fiction Flower. 

I can  never resist the perfection of clover leaves:

Any time I see a lush bunch of patch of these,  I must spend at least a minute looking four a four-leafed clover!
And anytime the sun comes out while it's raining or just after, I rush outside : Oooh! Maybe I'll see a rainbow!! 
Yep. 

In the back garden:

That is actually the vegetable garden, but I put flowers in the front and in some of the beds. Hey, I spend a lot of time out there, I want it to be pretty!

Painted daisies, in front of the desperately-in-need-of-painting house:

This, I love:

I showed that old garden fencing a while ago, rolled up. This part that I'm showing you is where someone had joined two pieces together- the rust is awesome.
I needed something to keep the (damn) dogs away from some annuals so I put it to use. 

Good boy. 

Aw, you guys! You are so sweet.

I totally didn't mean to guilt trip you! I was feeling  embarrassed for  being so needy but I'm over it now. I try not to beat myself up for that kind of stuff anymore. It always changes. Everything does.

I have been having ice cream after dinner instead of for dinner, so that's progress, right? And no chips. When I want to start eating better, I begin by adding in good stuff, rather than taking away the junk. So, I am still eating candy (atomic fireballs, yum) but I have a protein smoothie for breakfast, add in fruit during the day and make sure to have a big salad in addition to whaever else I eat. As I start to feel better, the junk food will fall away for the most part. Water, though. Still need to work on the water.

I've been sewing each night. My workroom is essentially a storage room at this point, so I have been sewing at the dinner table.  I  love how the fabric looks piled up on the radiator:

The walls are so bare because we still haven't put on the second coat of paint! We are slow at that kind of stuff. 

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Watching:  So You Think You Can Dance.

Listening to:  Gillian Welch. 

What are you listening to?  I am always on the prowl for new music!

xo, m 

I like it  better when I post everyday.

Where have  I been?
Um, you  know, in the bathroom crying  a  bit. Followed by  Haagen Daz and potato chips for dinner.

You know I like to keep it real,but I think it  would be mind-numbingly boring for you if I really  kept you  up to date on all that happens up in here! I know I'm bored with it!

And another thing that has been keeping me away: thedamnspacebaron thelaptopisn'tworking! Ihave to gobackovereachsentence and poundon the space bartogetittowork.Letme tellyouthatisapain intheass.

New  laptop on order anyways (t0 accommodate the new version of my design program), but in the meantime, ugh. I need to get some canned air to blow out this keyboard. See? See how boring it is around here?

Bah. How about some pretty fabric photos? 

Some Joel Dewberry, his new home dec weight Ginseng line:  

I think we are going to use that pink orchid print to recover the seats on the dining room chairs. (The 'dining room' is just part of the living room, just so you know.)

I'm lovin' my Lemony Snippet quilt top so  much, that it inspired me to start a tote:

And the other side: 

Not sure what the lining will be yet. 

Maybe one of these prints from Tina Givens's Annabella collection:

I am behind on emails and sending out gifties. Please forgive me. And if you are a person who comments regularly, you know I usually like to respond to each comment and I am behind on that, too.

Your comments keep me company.
I must admit, I get a little pouty when  I don't hear from you! That might be a little pathetic, I  know. Oh, well. Maybe someday I'll be one of those bloggers who can post a photo of their cat's ass and have hundreds of comments. But for now I know I have to work for it and  I treasure each and every one! Has someone made a tee shirt yet that says "Will Blog For Comments" ? Because if they haven't, they should.

So  there. I am showing you my needy side.  It's not pretty! I am tempted to erase all of  that, but I won't. Just promise not to think less of me. I try so hard not to be a comment-whore.

And now I will attempt to bribe you into liking me by showing fabric that is destined for your hands.

That's right, future giveaway booty: 

Anna Maria's Garden Party, baby.

I missed you.

xo,m

 I finally cut into my precious Kokka fabric and made myself a tote.

I incorporated both of the prints, along with that grape-juice-colored  linen/rayon blend that I found wicked cheap at  Joanne's. 

Some freestyle stitching with the machine  gives the plain fabric panel and handles some interest.

I  love the handles:

I didn't want both sides to be the same, so I mixed it up a little: 

xo, m

I got some new fabrics that I wanted to incorporate into my Lemony Snippet quilt top. Been cutting and sewing. 

I started by laying down what I had so far.

Then, I gathered up pieces from my cut up pile of fabric, paired them up and sewed them together. Once pressed, I placed them next to the main quilt piece and arranged them in a way that kept a good balance and flow of  color  and print, adding more cut fabric and sewing as I found  sets that I liked together.

Of course, there were some visitors. 

I don't mind  the cats, it's the dogs walking on it that bother me. You'll notice I didn't take pictures of the dogs.  I try not to encourage them. 

A few larger areas shaping up: 

This way of quilting takes a long time (for me!), but it's  fun and satisfying.  It feels  more like working on a painting than a quilt,which I tend to think of as needing geometric precision. Geometrically precise I am not. I just like to play with color and texture.

Guess who else does? 

They just can't resist, can they? 

Aw,who am I kidding. I wouldn't want them to. 

xo,m 

Look at what my honey found when he was tearing apart the front porch last year:

 
Our house is old. I wonder how old this shoe is.
What happened to the other one? I wonder how long the owner held onto its mate, hoping this one would turn up. I keep stray socks for years hoping to reunite them with their partners. Sometimes I do actually find a sock that has been missing and it makes me all happy inside.

Who wore this shoe? Were they excited when they brought them home from the store like I am when I get new shoes? Did  the owner of this shoe say to their  partner,"Honey, look at my cute new shoes! Aren't they so cute?" the way I do when I get new shoes?

How much did they cost? Were they comfortable? 

When I was in high school some friends of mine rented a video that was supposed to be a past life regression meditation.The only thing I remember about it was that they had you close your eyes and imagine you were looking down at your shoes, and  the kind of shoes they were would give you an idea of the time and place you were in. (do you remember this, Erica?) It never worked  for me. I'm not that great at suspending disbelief, I guess.

Now I'm all thinking of all the shoes I've worn.

My first pair of "cool"shoes that I bought in ninth grade at Hubba Hubba in Boston: pointy-toed black leather ankle booties with six straps going across that buckled on the side. Sort  of a vampirish elf boot. I still have them. I  still love them.

In high school I had such shoe envy.The girls with doctors for fathers always had so many cool expensive shoes.
And tights. Patterned tights were the thing with the  art girls. I still have my many different pairs of striped ones. It's probably time to let those go, as I only wear them once a year, at most. I did have the best black spiderweb stockings with a seam up the back of the leg. I think I got those when I got the buckle boots.

Wow, this is really boring. Sorry.

Ahem.

Anyone local to Boston? On June 21st, I will be attending the Craft Magazine party with the lovely and talented Karen of Simply June.

Let me know if you'll be going!

I'll also be assisting my dear friend Madelyn at the Boston Handmade Marketplace on June 28 in Somerville.
There are some great vendors at that event.  Can't wait to meet Mimi Kirchner and see her work in person! I really want one of  her sepia pirate guys:

I wouldn't turn down one of these bathing beauties, either:

She is killin'me with these guys. 

I am always favoriting  Ashley Anna Brown's photos on her flickr stream , and was delighted to see that she will be selling at the Boston Handmade event. I am  looking forward to cuddling with her little handmade animals.

Twigs and  Heather will be there and I will have to resist spending $250 on a silver twig  necklace.

By the way, my birthday is coming up.

xo,
m 

Did you think I was done showing you the fabric haul from Memorial Day?

You thought wrong, friend! 

Kitties and flowers and butterflies, oh my!  

I know, it's a little weird! I mean, look at the expression  on the cat! He's leering.

This one is cute:

and this one: 

pretty:

bears!

berries!

horsies!

A kitty napping under a lemon tree topiary.With birds! 

Ok, that's enough for today. I'll save the batiks for another time. And then that will be it.

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I went to Joanne's last night and bought some of the cheapie $2.99 patterns for some cute summery tops. I'll let you know how they work out. I also scored two yards  of a linen/rayon blend in a beautiful pinky purple. 3 bucks a yard! I think it's going to look amazing with my echino for kokka fabric.

Drat. I just wrote a bunch of other stuff that got lost somehow.
Bah, I'll rewrite it tomorrow. I have to go 'shake a tower' and get ready for work.

It kills me to leave this post all boring-style like this, but what are you gonna do? They can't all be winners.

xo,
m

My bloggy pal Tracey from Paper Dolls For Boys emailed me last week to ask for my snail mail address. She had found something at a yard sale that reminded her of me  and wanted to send it along. Isn't that the coolest? I love presents.

I got it today and it could not be more perfect. 

I am a sucker for good packaging. A sucker, I tell you!

First of all, the ribbon: stripey grosgrain. I do so love a present tied  with real live ribbon. My heart  breakdances when I'm given a present  tied  with real live ribbon.

And the paper? A tissue pattern piece! I am totally stealing this idea. 

I mean, I would be happy just to receive the ribbon and tissue. Seriously. You can ask anyone.

Before she sent it off, Tracey was starting to get nervous that my expectations might be getting  too high since I was so psyched to get the package. I told her  that I just love getting mail and I would show that much enthusiasm if she had told me she was just sending a postcard!

I used to be quite the letter-writer, you know. I suppose I still am, just an inactive one. My oldest and dearest friends have literally boxes of letters from me. ( at least they better still have them, dammit! ) I would spend hours gluing things onto paper, writing the letters , drawing on the envelopes, stuffing the packages with insence, glitter, stickers, confetti, leaves, receipts etc. Someday I'll get back into the habit. Letter-writing is a very satisfying hobby.

And  what fun when you get a chance to be on the receiving end!

Excitedly rushing to the house from the mailbox, tearing open the package, eager to see what's inside.
Here it is, the thing that a fellow blogger saw at a yard sale  and had to send me:

Can you believe it? A paint chippy, rusty-looking bracelet? Are you kidding me? Awesome!

Tracey also  included some of her own artwork for me, a little mixed media piece:

Isn't it lovely?

 

A little faerie, how perfect! 

And this:

If I had seen this laying on the ground all discarded and lonely, I definitely would have rescued it and given it a warm and loving home. This is a gooooood rusty bit, y'all!

And the last thing I looked at, which took me by surprise and made me laugh out loud: 

Killer letterpress printed postcard by  etsy seller rar rar press . You know you want one. I love this postcard like I have loved few others.

Thanks, Tracey.  I am so touched by you taking the time to gather together this bundle of happiness just for me.

I am somehow comforted that someone can read my blog and be able to send me a package as carefully compiled and perfectly suited to me as this one. It shows me that I really am sharing myself here and you really are getting to know me.

You know, I guess I still am an active letter-writer, now that I think of it. These posts are just like all the letters I used to write by hand: sometimes chatty and silly, sometimes weepy and heartbroken, always with love and a desire to connect with someone else.
This time, you.

xo, m 

oh, hey! I forgot to tell you that I announced  the winner(s) of the  200th post giveaway! Yep, follow that link if you wanna know!

That yellowy quilt top I started has grown:

Mmmm, buttery, sunny, golden, lemony.

On Saturday, after gardening all day, I took a nap in a quilt-draped hammock. Ahhh...Have you noticed how patchwork is even more magical when spread on  grass or a hammock?

Listening to: Jolie Holland 

Just finished devouring and am about to go  back for seconds: What It Is by Lynda Barry 

Lynda Barry friggin' rocks. Brilliant, hilarious, heartbreaking.  

About to watch: Paris, Je t'aime 

xo, m

Oh, you guys.  

You are so awesome. Thank you for all of the hugs and good vibes. I love hugs and good vibes!

My last post seemed to resonate with a lot of you.
I know that many people struggle the way I do and I blog about it on purpose because I think it's good for all of us to be reminded that we are not alone. There is still a stigma around depression so I strive to  talk about it just as readily and openly as I would talk about having a great day.
Why shouldn't I?
I am not talking about wallowing  (although I do have my moments) but acknowledging it. Owning it. And yes, doing what I know I need to do to get through it. And maybe by being myself, I am providing a comfortable and safe place for you to talk about your own experience, to remind yourself what works for you, and to know that you are not alone, just as I am not. I hope so.

Thank you for taking the time to comment, to send me hugs or email or share about your day. I felt comforted and supported reading your words.  

I said I would report back on my feel-better-strategy, so here I am.
I did drink a bunch of water and ate lightly, which definitely was necessary.
I gardened all day and even took some pictures to show you:

I am in love with the colors of that iris on the right. 

I potted up a bunch of annuals:

It was hot! I love the heat. Heat and sun are good for this delicate hothouse flower. I am talking about me, in case you didn't catch that.

Sweating, working hard- I love it. It works out my physical stress and leaves me wrung out, in a good way. 

And working with flowers,  a living thing that  I am caring for- that's good for my heart, too. The colors, the beauty- food for my eyes.

Getting something done, that sense of accomplishment. Yes. Good.

I spent a few hours painting  in the evening, as I said I would. I didn't really work on  anything I loved, but I took pleasure in  the feeling of smooshing around the paint with the brush, of incising into a wet layer to reveal what was underneath. 

This morning, I started a new visual journal.
I spent a while messing around with some gouache:

See  my giant five-head?

Note to self:

I am the one who needs to  help myself out of the depths. I am the one who chooses what I eat, how much exercise I get, how I spend my time. 

I love playing in my journals,  freely doodling or writing or painting. It doesn't have to look good, but sometimes it does and that's a nice surprise. It's not about making something pretty or perfect, it's about expressing myself, allowing myself the freedom to experiment and enjoy the process. Sometimes it's a lot of writing to work something out. Sometimes it's writing reminders like the one above. Other times I write quotes or something I hear that strikes a chord. Sometimes I stick down receipts or magazine clippings or cool looking candy wrappers. It doesn't really matter what I do, just that I do it.

After spending an hour or so on my new journal this morning, without even realizing I felt any different, I came downstairs, headed into the front yard and did some cartwheels (ok, round-offs plus.  I still can't do cartwheels!), attempted some headstands, even trying a handstand for the first time ! (trying being the operative word) 

Out of nowhere, I just felt like doing those things- I didn't even have time to formulate it into a thought, like, "Hey, I think I'll ...."  I just walked out the door and started.  That was neat.

Then I needed a snack:

Mmmmm. Stilton, grannysmiths, craisins and ginger spread. Oh, yum. 

Then later, I headed off to a good friend's bridal shower, which I was actually looking forward to. See, with my circle of friends, it wouldn't be a regular bridal shower with endless opening of gifts. That kind of shower- I'm sorry-I dread. I  go to those and I  have fun, but I don't look forward to them.

Today's shower was more of a celebration of Jen. A kind of rite of passage to mark her transition into marriage. We are all so thrilled that at 46, Jen has finally found real love, safe love, true love.

We used face paints to paint her arms and legs and face.

There was an offering of joyful dance:

People shared poems they wrote for Jen ( the kind that bring tears to your eyes), some simple gifts, good food.

It was lovely.

I did say there was good food, so my eating lightly didn't last through the day! But I didn't overdo it.

And since I am feeling better, eating half a pint of Ben and Jerry's won't be overdoing either, which I am about to do... right...about....now. 

xo, m

I am off balance.

Since my return from Portland, I have  scurried to the bathroom to cry a few times a week (at my day job.)
Is that too honest?

Of course I don't need to tell you this. But Yummy Goods  really is a representation of me, and it's either share this part of me or stop blogging till I feel better. And I  really enjoy blogging- that is, I  enjoy the interaction with you- so I don't want to just wait and not post until it's all happy and pretty.

And you wouldn't want me to, either, right? 

Life is good.

There are amazing things happening that I have worked my ass off for.  Yes, all of this wonderful stuff is going on. I am grateful.

Yet, my internal world is a troubled place sometimes.

My heart hurts from a challenging situation with a close friend. I struggle with loneliness, even when there are people around me who love me. See, this is me, the second  one from the left:

I think everyone has these things going on, but  having arm-wrestled with depression my whole life, I sink down far and I sink down fast.

Before the trip, I was in a  routine of eating clean, running, practicing yoga, limiting television and limiting what I call 'screwing around online'.
That routine is the life vest that keeps me from getting swallowed by the undertow. I need to be in that routine to feel balanced. I really have to put a lot of effort in to just feel ok and at ease. I am glad I have finally learned what it takes, but since Portland, I have yet to find my way back to these practices.

I know what I have to do, now I just have to , you know, do it!

*Today I am going to work in the garden.

The physical work, being in nature, the satisfaction of growing something, the pleasure in making my yard beautiful- it does wonders for my spirit.

*I will drink a bunch of water, something I just won't do unless I set my mind on it . ( and even then, it's hard! I am a camel. Moo.)

*I will eat clean today. ( That means not eating an entire rhubarb-strawberry-nectarine crisp like I did this week! Yes, I really did. The whole damn thing.)

*I will  limit tv and internet today.

*I will go for a walk today. It might be a slow walk, more of a stroll. But I will start to get back into the habit of setting aside time to  exercise.

*I'll spend the evening playing with paint and paper. I have a mixed-media jones. I will put on my painty overalls ( not my dirty gardening overalls) and get messy for a few hours.  I do love getting messy. I love taking paint and paper (or anything, really) and messing with it  until it looks pretty. There is something really magical about it.

So. That is what my day looks like. That's the plan, anyways. I'll report back tomorrow.

Tell me, what are you going to do today?

I wanna know. 

xo, m

(illustrations courtesy of The Treasury of Games ) 

Today we're going across the street to the West Barnstable Cemetery.

Yep, it's directly across the street! I can see it right now from the couch, through the living room window.

I love these old gravestones. They grow such excellent patterns.

Do you see the  horizontal wisps of incised lines they  used for a  lettering guide? Like lined paper! I wonder who carved this stone. Did they carve their own before they died? If I were a gravestone carver, I would have wanted to.

Ahhhh:

Awesome! I'm officially inspired.

Is that cherub blowing into a wrench?

It would be neat to do rubbings of them, but you're not supposed to because it could damage the stones.

That one is in  good shape, but many of them are all flaking away.

This is a work of art: 

Mildew and lichen on marble. Wow. 

My heart starts to hula dance when I look at that.
Oh my god:

Be still, my heart.  Mildew, lichen and rust! >sigh<

It just occurred to may that perhaps not everyone digs this stuff as much as I do. Ruh-roh!

Come on, how could you not like this patina?: 

 And this little headless creature!

Where, oh where did your little head go? 

Look at the delicately curled under front legs. So cute.

Gorgeous day. 

  Notice how the rust from the bolts follows the lines of the crackled paint:

Love that.