;)
253: random or not, here I come
Good morning.
I have started probably 3 or 4 different posts in the last few days and ended up just saving them all as drafts.
I just did it again with this post!
I'm all stammery.
I think I will just make this entry a potpourri of snips from all of those saved drafts. Ok? You'll see how I keep getting stuck.
Random bits:
Doesn't that look like it could be a carrot-cake-with-cream-cheese-frosting cupcake?
Well, it isn't, so don't go gnawing on it. But isn't it so cute and dainty?
(trailing off....)
All of these exciting things are happening and sometimes I get overwhelmed. And when I'm overwhelmed, I eat. Like, 5-ice-cream-sandwiches-in-a-day eat. What I really need to do is exercise to burn off that extra energy. I feel amazing when I am walking or running regularly. I feel like a slug when I am not. I am trying to just be gentle with myself about this and trust that I will find my way back to some healthy practices after I get back from the television taping.
Oh my god, we tape next week! No one said it needs to be a secret, so I might as well tell you about the show, right? Do you know the magazine Quilting Arts? What about Cloth Paper Scissors? The show I am doing a segment on is the tv companion to those magazines, Quilting Arts Television. I fly to Cleveland (where the television studio is) on Tuesday. I am much less freaked out about it all now. A friend is taping at the same time, so I will be meeting her at the airport and we're sharing a room, so there should be some laughs. I'll take pictures.
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So many amazing things are happening and I am so excited and grateful.
It's also true that any success I am having feels bittersweet right now.
That's where I get stuck.
I hesitate to say it because I don't want you to think I don't appreciate what is going on. But it's important to me to be real here and not just share the pretty stuff. I suppose I can't expect any sympathy since everything is going so well, from the outside. I imagine you want to roll your eyes and say "oh poor you."
Frankly, I don't want to get comments that piss me off and make me not want to be open! ( and I haven't yet, but I admit I am afraid of that!)
Bah! See? this is why I keep not posting! Maybe this is why a lot of bloggers don't share this stuff?
Meh. I'll just risk it.
melissa
31 Comments
Reader Comments (31)
Bittersweet? Why?
Reading blogs can be discouraging with it's illusion of perfection -- thank you for being so real -- it makes the rest of us feel "normal". Feel what you feel -- and don't judge it -- you are amazing!
Anyone who "poo poos" your honest postings should be ignored, or at least ignored initially until you can calm down enough to see if there is constructive criticism to be gleaned from the post. No, good constructive criticism, ignore the post completely :)
BTW, gorgeous pillow!
Peace!
I wish you the best. Carrie
Then, I think I kinda understand...the bittersweet-ness, the heavy heart. I also think a lot of people can relate to this double-sided feeling, or at least imagine it.
For those who might think or say "pooooor you", well let them think and say. They have their own experiences, you have yours, equally real and honest and beautiful.
And finally, I'll say thank you. For keeping it real and honest here, for not over-sugarcoat everything. I love that about your blog ! I fond it much more inspiring and interesting this way !
Since you are always such a kind blogger, and of all the blogs I read (way more than I should but oh well), when you update I get most excited to see what you post next...I resolve to be a better reader and leave you more comments of love!
It's so nice that someone you know will be there in Cleveland with you. It'll keep you from over-thinking the whole thing. Q Arts does wonderful things - they are a class act, so be proud that they've invited you.
My son just came in and saw your picture and asked if that was me :-) we have the same hairdo...
Good luck in Cleveland - that's so nice that you'll have a buddy there!
I really appreciated your comment on my blog. It's so true that many blogs/tv/movies/photos all seem so sanitary and perfect, all the scrapes and stink cut out. It's easy to be disappointed in ones own life cuz there is no editor!! I'm going to apply for one right away.....
(thank you.)
the photo of you is beautiful. the colors. the emotion represented in the "hiding." and the pillow...gorgeous.
sending you peace and light